Custody: What’s The Best 50/50 Schedule for Your Child?

Posted on March 6th, 2024
A parent holding their child's hand in the sunset light

One of the most difficult things about divorce is undoubtedly custody arrangements. Deciding how to share physical custody of your children is important, and it’s time to put any conflict and personal feelings aside to decide what’s best for your child or children.

Many parents split time equally with a 50/50 custody schedule. In this blog, I’m going to take a quick look at what the 50/50 schedule is, how it works, and some rotation examples that you can choose from to get what’s best for your family.

What is 50/50 Custody?

50/50 custody sharing is relatively self-explanatory, with children spending an equal amount of time with each parent. Studies have shown that it is important for both parents to remain actively involved in their children’s lives and that parental alienation should be avoided wherever possible.

The 50/50 split tends to provide stability and allows children time to bond with each parent. In the 2020 articleChildren in dual-residence arrangements: a literature review,” published in the Journal of Family Studies, Rakel Berman and Kristian Daneback analyzed peer-reviewed feedback on this custody-sharing arrangement. They found that children living with these arrangements tend to be better off in a range of ways, such as health and mental well-being.

As with any parenting schedule, the success of the 50/50 custody arrangement also depends on the distance between parents, the health of the co-parenting relationship, the age and needs of the child/children, and each child’s views and preferences.

50/50 Schedules to Consider for Your Family

The 50/50 custody arrangement accommodates a range of schedules. Here are the most popular ways of splitting this type of schedule, the benefits and challenges of each one, and what type of family is more likely to thrive.

  • 2-2-3 Custody Schedules

Here, the first co-parent spends two days with the children and the other co-parent gets the next two days. Then, the first parent gets the children for the last three days of the week again, and this will alternate every week. This means each parent gets every other weekend with their children. This does mean frequent transactions, but children don’t have to spend long apart from either parent.

Ideal For: Co-parents with a healthy relationship who live close to each other. Best suited to younger kids below the age of four.

  • 3-4-4-3 Custody Schedule

It breaks the weeks up into three- and four-day sections. Kids spend three days with one parent and four days with the other, and then they reverse the order. This means kids don’t spend too much time away from either parent, and there’s only one transfer day a week. This allows a proper schedule to be developed and worked around.

Ideal for: Co-parents who live near each other and have structured work schedules. Best for younger children from kindergarten to about 8th grade.

  • 2-2-5-5 Custody Schedule

Intervals are according to two weeks that are split into two- and five-day periods.

Children spend two days with each parent and then five days each. This allows quality time with both parents without being separated from the other for too long. This could be more challenging with children who don’t enjoy frequently switching homes.

Ideal for: Parents and kids whose schedule allows for a little flexibility. It is also ideal for younger children (up to 8th grade) who want to spend longer amounts of time with each parent.

  • Alternating Weeks

Children spend one week with one of their parents and then the next week with the other. It’s super easy and simple to manage. This also allows more genuine bonding time between children and each parent. Might be too long for younger children to be apart from each parent.

Ideal for: Preteens, teenagers, and parents who are comfortable spending a week apart. In general, children should have a good relationship with both parents and are likely to be active with friends outside of family time, too.

  • Uncommon 50/50 Custody Schedules

The above are undoubtedly the most popular 50/50 schedules, but some parents opt for more uncommon variations, such as alternating every two weeks, every extended weekend with third-party time, and every extended weekend with a midweek overnight.

It’s agreed that these are more complicated agreements which could keep children away from their parents for too long. However, these could be ideal arrangements for parents who don’t live very close to each other.

Factors to Consider When Choosing a 50/50 Schedule

There are a number of factors to consider when choosing the right schedule for your family:

  • Is the 50/50 split best for your child?
  • Is one parent more equipped to handle challenges or any special needs?
  • Do both of you have work schedules that lend itself to a 50/50 plan? Is there a specific plan that works best within either of your schedules?
  • Can both of you agree on rules, habits, and schedules like homework, bedtime, and mealtime?
  • Is your child bonded more with one of you over the other?
  • How far do you live apart from each other?
  • Do you have a good co-parenting relationship free from unnecessary conflict?
  • What is your child’s school and activity schedule, and what plan does it suit best?

The Best Custody Sharing Agreement for Your Family

At the end of the day, the best 50/50 custody-sharing agreement will be the one that brings the greatest value to your family. Parents must get enough time with their children, while children must be able to form bonds and attachments to both parents. It’s important to take your child into consideration first and foremost and work with your ex on how you can both accommodate their happiness in your custody agreement.

At Naked Recovery, we specialize in a number of traumas, including divorce trauma. We work with you and your ex to create healthy boundaries and a successful co-parenting plan that benefits you and your ex while focusing on your child’s happiness.

Contact us for more information.

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Boysober: This Year’s Hottest Mental Health Trend

Posted on February 26th, 2024
Two young ladies laughing in the sunset with ice coffee and one blowing a bubble

You’d be forgiven for wondering what the heck this latest “boysober” trend is. You’ve probably seen snippets of it on the news, on social media platforms, or heard people talking about it in passing, but unless you’re a woman in her early 20s, then chances are you’ve not been too exposed to it.

American comedian Hope Woodard coined the term, and she now describes the experience once a month in a comedy and storytelling show at a venue in Brooklyn, New York. So, what exactly is this new trend all about? What is the history behind it, and why are so many people jumping on the bandwagon?

Let’s take a look.

What is “Boysober”

As mentioned, Hope Woodward brought up the term “boysober” in a comedy show late in 2023, and she probably didn’t expect to get the reaction following that she did. Simply put, Ms. Woodward said she was taking a step back from the dating world for 365 days. She would not be engaging in any sexual relationships, friends with benefits, or ‘situationships’ (casual sexual relations) for the next year.

With half a million followers across TikTok and Instagram, her message went viral, with many of her followers swearing to join on her on the journey.

Why Are Women So Keen to Go Boysober?

Woodward admittedly spent most of her life in some form of dependent relationship, and she considered many of the ‘relationships’ she had in her 20s as relatively toxic. She realized that one-night stands weren’t what they were cracked up to be, and the ‘men’ she was seeing thought of spending time with her as nothing more than frivolous trysts.

She wanted to break the mold of yoyoing between unhealthy relationship patterns that had been passed through generations of women. Like many traditional families, she was raised to please others, and saying no doesn’t come easily.

This story is achingly familiar across the world in the 20-something demographic. Young women are tired of letting their feelings and needs be dictated by immature partners. So, they have taken the step to stay away from bad relationships for a year.

Isn’t It the Same as Being Celibate?

There are subtle but very important differences that make being boysober more of a rebrand than an exact replica of celibacy.

First, Woodward hates the word celibacy. She believes that the religious and societal weight that the word connotes is simply not what she is going for. Celibacy has a feeling of suppression and oppression, whereas being boysober is a form of self-empowerment. She explained, “There’s a purity aspect to it that still centers men, like you’re celibate until you find someone, whereas “boysober” means to really detach from men and male validation.”

She has put together a set of rules to guide her on her year away from the dating scene that other people can also apply to themselves:

• no dating apps.
• no dates.
• no exes.
• no situationships; and
• no xoxo (hugs and kisses).

Founder of The Matchmaker UK, Lara Besbrode, responded to the trend, stating that women want to go boysober “for self-sufficiency and personal empowerment.”

“Women are making a conscious decision to prioritize their well-being and achievements, find joy and fulfillment in their independence, and reshape societal expectations about happiness and relationship status,” she said.

Is It a Good Trend?

While there are undoubtedly a couple of noses put out of joint with regard to this new trend that’s becoming more predominant in young women, there are aspects to it that are overwhelmingly positive.

It’s wonderful that they are taking the time to get in touch with themselves and what they want, as well as spending time nurturing platonic relationships with close friends. What I love the most about this trend is that it’s about unlearning unhealthy relationship patterns and self-empowerment.

That being said, not all young men are immature and unavailable, and this could push them to join in on any unnecessary backlash that the trend provokes.

Rather, I think it’s a good time for everyone to take stock of what it is that they want out of a relationship, what they’d like to offer to the other person in a relationship, and what work they need to do on themselves to put their best foot forward when they do decide to get back into the dating ring.

This trend has emerged at a time when Gen Z twentysomethings are breaking the mold we associate with their age groups. They are drinking less, clubbing less, and having less sex than the generation before them did at their age.

I hope that the boysober trend benefits everyone’s mental health and well-being. Young women can learn to value and respect themselves without male validation, while young men can step up to become role models and emotionally mature partners.
Whether it’s under the boysober term or not, there’s nothing wrong with people of any gender taking time out of the dating scene to work on themselves.

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How Accident Trauma Can Affect You

Posted on February 6th, 2024
A car accident at night with a tow truck in the background

If you or a loved one are struggling to deal with the aftereffects of an accident, then it’s likely that you’re experiencing accident trauma. Accidents such as vehicle accidents, terrible sports injuries, and more can have a significant impact on a person’s emotional, mental, and physical well-being.

After an accident, many people focus on healing any physical wounds, and emotional scars can be overlooked. Accident trauma can be completely overwhelming, and the recurring shock of the accident can cause you to go into a state of dissociation or hypervigilance. In fact, your brain will adapt a defense mechanism to deal with stressful, overwhelming events, and in some cases, it can significantly alter brain function and structure.

In this blog, we’re going to take a look at the ways that accident trauma can affect you or a loved one.

Changes How Your Body Responds to and Perceives Danger

Our bodies are well adapted to respond to dangerous situations. However, someone struggling with accident trauma could perceive danger when there is none, or their bodies could cause them to overreact to the level of danger present.

Our bodies release cortisol and adrenaline when we are stressed or threatened, and someone with accident trauma will release heightened amounts of these hormones. This triggers what we know as “fight or flight” mode. However, there are a number of different ways that your body could respond other than just those two options.

  • Freeze: This is when you feel paralyzed and unable to move or react.
  • Flop: Going through the motions and doing what you’re told without protest.
  • Fawn: Continually trying to please someone you perceive as a threat/trying to mitigate the threat.

This constant state of hypervigilance means that you are constantly viewing the world as a threat, which can then lead to deeper mental health issues.

Dissociation

Many people experience dissociation during a traumatic event or in the immediate moments afterward. However, people who have long-term trauma from an accident could continue to have moments of dissociation for a long time after the event.

When you dissociate, you feel as if you are disconnected from yourself and the world around you. Many people describe dissociation as the experience of watching something happen to your body without being in it. However, others might completely blackout and have no recollection of their dissociative state.

Dissociation is just one of the ways in which your mind copes with overwhelming levels of stress. These experiences can last just a short period of time (minutes to hours), or for much longer (days to months). In some cases, dissociation happens as a result of a trauma trigger, as your body tries to cope with perceived danger, but it often turns into a learned behavior as a way of coping with stressful experiences that may have nothing to do with the traumatic event itself.

Physical Health Issues 

Numerous studies have shown how trauma can make you more vulnerable to developing physical health issues, such as long-term and chronic illness. Lasting and latent trauma from accidents can trigger immune and endocrine problems.

Being in a constant state of hypervigilance means that your body is producing high levels of cortisol, which can be toxic at chronically high levels. This leads to an increased risk of health conditions such as depression, heart disease, anxiety, and much more.

Inflammation is a chronic condition that is often associated with long-term trauma. While it is necessary as a short-term response to damage, it’s also the main culprit behind autoimmune diseases and heart disease.

Self-destructive Behaviors

Self-destructive behaviors are part of the cluster of emotional avoidance techniques used by people who have experienced trauma. These behaviors are actions that are sure to harm the person doing them, whether it’s physical or emotional.

Traumatic experiences or mental health conditions are known to increase the risk of these behaviors. Of course, that doesn’t mean that all people with accident trauma will become self-destructive or that those who take part in these activities are suffering from trauma.

Self-destructive behavior can range anywhere from driving too fast and taking unnecessary risks to gambling, self-harm, or substance abuse. These habits are used as a temporary way of coping or distraction from emotional pain, distress, or discomfort. However, they can’t suppress trauma forever, and self-destructive habits can become more frequent or more intense in a big to numb or avoid triggered feelings.

The Naked Accident Trauma Program

As you can see, accident trauma can have a significant impact on your life. Trauma can threaten your personal identity and have life-altering physical and mental consequences if it is not dealt with. The Naked Accident Traum Program has been specifically designed to help people learn about accident trauma and to give them the tools and mechanisms that they need to fully recover.

Our trained trauma therapists support you while you process your accident trauma and regain control over your life. We are with you every step of the way as you deal with and heal from the impacts of trauma caused by the accident.

Contact us for more information.

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What is Accident Trauma?

Posted on January 26th, 2024
A man kneeling by a tree with his head in his hands and a crashed car in the background

Accidents, whether it’s in the form of a car accident, an accident at work, or any other form of traumatic event, can have a lasting physical and emotional impact. When you’ve been involved in a traumatic event, doctors, friends, and family tend to focus on fixing the obvious physical injuries but can neglect the emotional scars.

In this blog, we’re going to take a closer look at accident trauma. What is it? How to recognize the symptoms and what to do if you, or a loved one, is suffering from accident trauma.

What is the Definition of Accident Trauma?

While there is no hard and fast definition of accident trauma, it can generally be defined as the distress experienced by someone recovering from a traumatic accident of some kind. The trauma is often physical, but it is often the emotional and psychological effects that have the biggest impact on health once wounds have healed. Accident trauma isn’t just about what took place during the events that occurred, but it also refers to how someone is left feeling in the moments, weeks, months, and sometimes years after the accident.

Car accidents are probably one of the most common types of accident trauma experienced all over the world. Drivers, passengers, and even witnesses can be impacted by the event for a long time.

An accident can have a significant impact on a person’s mental health, along with any physical injuries. People suffering from accident trauma can struggle with feelings of worry, fear, and guilt long after the event has occurred. These feelings are often pushed to the side, especially if there are substantial physical injuries to worry about. If they aren’t dealt with, they can cause long-term psychological suffering and even manifest in other physical ways.

What Are the Symptoms of Accident Trauma?

When we experience something traumatic, we can reach a point of emotional dysregulation, which is when our anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed increase. This kind of emotional arousal will activate the flight or fight mechanism in the body. This can cause you to panic or feel terrified as a result of the sympathetic nervous system being overactivated.

This mechanism can easily overwhelm you, causing you to shut down, dissociate from it, and even be crippled/paralyzed by fear. In this state, it’s easy to believe that there is no hope. Unmanaged traumatic experiences can distort reality and make you completely unable to function as you normally would.

Some of the feelings and symptoms associated with accident trauma are as follows:

• Feelings of mental anguish
• Anxiety
• Mood swings
• Bouts of anger
• Fearfulness
• Feelings of humiliation
• Crying
• Sleep issues and nightmares.
• Losing appetite
• Loss of interest in usual activities

Can You Get PTSD From Accident Trauma?

If someone is suffering from emotional trauma after an accident, it’s essential that they deal with their feelings. This type of trauma is serious and can cause extreme disruption in someone’s daily life. Some people can actually develop a mental health condition, such as post-traumatic stress disorder, also commonly known as PTSD, after being in a traumatic accident.

Accidents, especially violent ones, can be hugely traumatizing and trigger PTSD. The symptoms to keep an eye out for include:

• Intense, recurring memories and flashbacks of the accident,
• Periods of blacking out,
• Nightmares,
• Avoidance of anything that might remind you of the accident or associated events,
• Emotional or physical distress after experiences if unable to avoid a reminder,
• Depression,
• Withdrawal from friends and family,
• Self-harm,
• Suicidal thoughts.

How to Heal from Accident Trauma

There are undoubtedly long-term ramifications associated with accident trauma, and the physical fear after an accident can be debilitating. For example, people who develop a driving phobia after a serious car crash will be limited in how they get to work, transport their family, or simply do daily activities like grocery shopping.

It’s important to deal with accident trauma and its triggers in order to get on the path to recovery:

Talk about your feelings: Sometimes, others might not realize that you are struggling with accident trauma, especially if they are focused on any physical injuries you may have. Talk to friends and family and your doctor about how you are feeling.
Don’t be embarrassed about your feelings: Many people hide their feelings when they develop trauma after an accident. There is some stigma attached, especially for men, that requires people to get on with things once they are physically healed. Don’t let this stop you from seeking assistance.
Seek professional help: There are no two ways about it. Your best chance of dealing with and healing from accident trauma is to seek out the help of a specialist who can lead you on your journey.

The Naked Accident Recovery Program

At Naked Recovery, we have designed a program that specifically helps people deal with and heal from accident trauma. Our trauma-trained therapists specialize in helping people to process traumatic events and regain control of their lives.

We take an evidence-based approach to assist with healing and rehabilitation to help you recover from the effects of a traumatic accident. This four-month coaching/counseling program has been created to help you identify and manage your trauma triggers using the tools, methods, and resources you need to make a complete recovery.

Contact us to find out more about the Naked Accident Recovery Program.

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Restoring Sexual Intimacy After an Affair

Posted on September 8th, 2023
Alt: An unhappy couple in bed

Betrayal in a relationship brings a whole host of emotions to the fore. There’s anger, grief, sadness, loss, anxiety, and a loss of self-confidence. An affair shakes the very foundation on which a marriage has been painstakingly built, and trust in the unfaithful partner is completely eroded.

At this juncture, it often seems like there’s little of the marriage to save, never mind navigating the murky waters of becoming sexually intimate with your partner again. Moving forward, however, you have to re-establish the sexual nature of your marriage, or it simply isn’t going to work.

Here are some of the important steps to take to restore sexual intimacy in your relationship after infidelity.

Make the commitment to do the work on saving the marriage

Before either party in the relationship starts to work on the sexual nature of the marriage after a betrayal, there first needs to be a clear commitment to working on the marriage itself. The affair happened for a reason, even if it was a bad one, and while you don’t have to have tackled all of the issues, it’s important that there’s been a commitment made to do it. This could include couples therapy or a coaching program like Naked Infidelity. Whatever you choose, it will be a lot more effective if you use an experienced professional to help navigate and heal the underlying issues.

Understand that it is going to take time

There is absolutely no quick fix when it comes to rediscovering eroticism after an affair. Moving too fast could simply cause more problems down the line. Every couple is different, and some might have incredible sex soon after discovering the affair, but this is often driven by hurt and a comparison to the third party in the affair.

There are a lot of emotions to work through before initiating intimacy. The partner who had the affair must show remorse and take responsibility for their actions, be willing to go over small details again and again if their spouse asks for them and verify that the affair is indeed over. Then, there are the feelings of doubt and inadequacy that can creep in on behalf of the betrayed partner.

It’s natural at this stage to feel uncomfortable about intimacy and sex at this stage. It’s important not to sweep your feelings under the rug and have sex just because your partner is pressuring you or you feel like it will make the other person feel better.

Rebuild shared meaning

Every relationship has a shared story, whether that’s between spouses, friends, or family. These are a collection of memories, beliefs, and values that you have built up with another person with whom you have a relationship of some kind.

An affair completely destroys the shared meaning that you have with your partner. The story you have written together, and your shared beliefs and values are no longer. Before you return to what’s happening in the bedroom, you both must dedicate time to co-writing a new chapter of your book. You need to reaffirm what beliefs and values that you will share in your marriage in the future.

Connect in non-sexual ways

Most couples have rituals of connection, such as cooking dinner together at the end of the day, reading to each other, going for a walk and so on. Affairs can complicate these previous rituals, so it’s important that you create new ones. They represent opportunities for connection that are non-sexual, and they help to rebuild trust and understanding in a relationship before sex is reintroduced.

Don’t compare yourself to the affair partner

Consensual sex should always be encouraged in a marriage. The more sex, the better in almost all cases. However, as mentioned above, some couples overcompensate on the sexual front after an affair to compensate for their perceived lack of something.

The partner who had the affair is making up for their infidelity and guilt, while the betrayed partner usually tries to give their partner what they thought they were getting from the affair partner. This type of sex needs to move on from this comparison to feeling truly loved and attractive to your partner for who you are and because you are competing with the other person. Using comparison as a tool to spur on your sexual lives is not a strong foundation, and if it doesn’t evolve, then it’s bound to crumble in time.

Of course, more often than not, sex will go the other way after an affair. Betrayed partners have their self-esteem completely shattered, and they aren’t having sex because they are worried that they are not as good-looking, sexy, or adventurous as the affair partner. This is equally destructive and needs to be stopped in order for a sex life to be restored to a marriage.

Engage in open communication about sex

Open communication is critical for every marriage, and partners must feel like they can discuss things together. Sex after infidelity is no different. You need to be open to talking about sex in an honest and non-judgmental way. This is the easiest way to gauge whether you’re ready for sex and what’s holding you back, and it helps both partners understand where the other needs support or why they are struggling with a certain aspect of being sexual.

It also gives you both the opportunity to discuss what you need from the other person to become intimate again and is another form of connection between the two of you.

 Try to focus on lovemaking when re-establishing sexual intimacy

There are many different sexual styles, but the two most “common” are lovemaking and more adventurous, wild erotica. When you are rekindling sexual intimacy after an affair, you are trying to rebuild love and trust in your relationship, and this means that you should try to focus on lovemaking in the affair-recovery phase. Wild, erotic sex is encouraged in every healthy marriage, but it’s important that you don’t rush into it when you are still rebuilding bonds.

Sex doesn’t always mean reconciliation

It’s also important to remember that just because you’re having sex again, your marriage isn’t suddenly sunshine and roses. True healing and reconciliation after an affair takes time, commitment, and hard work; while sex can certainly help you on that journey, it doesn’t mean that there’s nothing left to work on.

Rediscover intimacy after an affair with Naked Recovery

Sexual intimacy can be complicated, especially after an affair. At Naked Recovery, we specialize in trauma and how to heal from traumatic experiences, and we have specific programs, such as the Naked Marriage Spark Program, that have been designed to help couples get their marriage back on track.

Our programs are created to address specific traumas and help people move on to a healthy and happy future. Contact us to find out more.

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Postpartum Intimacy: Rekindling Things After a Baby

Posted on August 8th, 2023
The back of a woman holding her baby

Intimacy after having a baby can be a particularly sensitive subject. Many women experience intimacy issues after giving birth, so you’re not alone if this is how you feel. While acknowledging these troubles can be difficult or embarrassing, talking to your partner about them is critical. After all, the best relationships are built on a solid foundation of open communication.

It’s also important to remember that it’s not just birth mothers who struggle with intimacy after the arrival of a new baby. Partners can also have intimacy issues, whether they are male, female, or non-binary. Fatigue, mood swings, and a loss of self-confidence can affect both people in the relationship, not to mention having to look after a new baby too.

However, it’s important for your relationship to make a concerted effort to rekindle things. While you should go at your own pace, don’t leave it too long, as intimacy plays an essential part in a successful partnership and is an important connection factor between the two of you.

Of course, intimacy isn’t just about sex but also your physical, mental, and emotional bonds with your partner. Ultimately, however, it’s sexual intimacy that takes the biggest knock after the arrival of a new baby.

Here’s how to deal with postpartum intimacy and some steps to take to rekindle your sex life after a baby.

Regaining body confidence

Everyone knows that a woman’s body goes through extreme changes during and after pregnancy. Pregnant women are bound to put on some weight while carrying their baby and then have to deal with all sorts of new body ‘issues’ once the baby has been born. All of this can cause their self-esteem to drop and result in them not feeling confident enough for intimacy.

It’s important to remember that self-confidence is all about how you feel about yourself. One of the first things you should do to restore your confidence is to stop comparing yourself to others, whether they’ve had children or not. Everyone is an individual, and their body will respond to having a baby differently.

Secondly, don’t place unrealistic expectations on yourself that your body will bounce back overnight. You have just created a whole human inside of you, and it will take time to feel like yourself again. You don’t need to wake up looking perfect, go straight back into a job, or anything similar. Take the time to heal and regain your confidence in your own time.

Remember that your partner is probably struggling, too

Although they didn’t birth the baby themselves, chances are that your partner is also having some struggles with intimacy. This isn’t just because they are exhausted from looking after a newborn either. Research shows that partners of pregnant women tend to put a significant amount of weight during the pregnancy, too. So, they may also have some confidence issues.

Communicate about intimacy

The best thing that you can do to rekindle your love life after having a baby is simply to talk honestly about it to your partner. You can explain why you feel like you aren’t ready for intimacy and what is affecting your confidence. This gives your partner the opportunity to understand how you are feeling and address some of the issues that you might be struggling with.

It’s also an opportunity for you to discuss when you think you’ll be ready to be intimate again or even that you are already ready. Some partners won’t initiate things after their partner gives birth because they believe that they don’t want to be intimate, and by talking openly, you both understand exactly where you stand.

Go on a baby-free date

It might sound terrifying, but you can go on a date without your baby. Obviously, this isn’t something you should do days after birth, but your baby will be fine in the capable hands of trusted friends and family or a childminder after a few months.

Time away from your child/children is so important to make space for each other as partners rather than as parents. Dinner and a movie or something equally as simple can make a huge difference, as just a few hours of uninterrupted time could be a saving grace for your relationship and intimacy going forward.

Stay in the foreplay space as long as necessary

Most women aren’t cleared for penetrative sex for six weeks after giving birth, and many still don’t feel like having sex after this mark. However, there’s nothing to say that a little foreplay is forbidden. There’s no need to rush straight into sex, and it can be fun to build up the anticipation during the foreplay stage. Intimacy takes many different forms, and foreplay can be a positive influence in getting your groove back.

Don’t be afraid to seek out the help of a professional

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to rekindle the desire in your relationship after a new baby has arrived. If you are struggling to feel an emotional, physical, mental, and sexual connection with your significant other, then it may be time to take the next step. Postpartum struggles can last years if they aren’t properly addressed, so it’s important to ask for help from a professional if you need it. At Naked Recovery, we have a program that has been specifically designed to help couples rekindle their marriage.

The Naked Marriage Spark Program is a comprehensive solution designed to help couples relearn their skills and equip them with the tools that they need to rebuild their relationship and rediscover intimacy.

Coaching is a wonderful way to reconnect with your partner and takes less time to see results than traditional couples’ therapy.

Contact us to find out how we can help you get the spark back in your marriage after having a child.

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Does a Sexless Marriage Always Mean Divorce?

Posted on August 1st, 2023
A signs saying Is Sexless Marriage Normal

Can’t remember the last time you and your partner had sex? Are you in a sexless marriage? Does this mean that you should get a divorce?

These are all questions that many people in a long-term relationship have asked themselves if sexual intimacy has dried up. It can be a tricky area of a relationship to navigate, especially considering that most couples in sexless relationships still love their spouse and are otherwise compatible.

In this article, we will take a look at what constitutes a sexless marriage, how common it is, and whether it is something that you should consider a divorce over.

What is a sexless marriage?

There is absolutely no one-size-fits-all regarding what is considered having a healthy sex life. This is completely dependent on each person’s libido. Some couples have sex once a week, some have sex every three weeks, and some have sex every three months. Many couples are quite happy with the amount of sex that they are having, even if it isn’t a lot by other people’s standards.

It’s also important to remember that a sexless marriage doesn’t always look like it does in the movies, where a couple turns away from each other at bedtime. The marriage is completely void of love and connection.

Technically, however, according to the Cambridge Center for Behavioral Studies, a sexless marriage or relationship is one where a couple has sex less than ten times a year.

It’s more common than you think

How common are sexless marriages? As mentioned, there’s no hard or fast rule about what constitutes a sexless marriage, but one thing is certain: people are having less sex than you think.

This topic is rarely discussed openly. However, “sexless marriage” is one of the most commonly Googled marital issues in the world. In fact, a data scientist Seth Stephens-Davidowitz revealed that people search for “sexless marriage” online three and a half times more than they search for “unhappy marriage” and eight times more than “loveless marriage.” This tells us that sexless marriages are a concern for many couples, but that doesn’t necessarily translate to an unhappy or loveless marriage.

Is a ‘sexless’ marriage grounds for a divorce?

Most long-term relationships will experience dry spells. Everyday stresses, obligations, and life can simply get in the way of having sex. Sometimes, however, this can go on for too long and turn into a sexless marriage, which is obviously of greater concern than a dry spell.

Having an intimate relationship – including sex – is important in most healthy relationships. If your spouse isn’t meeting your sexual needs, or vice versa, it could make you question whether it’s worth staying in the relationship.

This isn’t something to be taken lightly. However, more often than not, a sexless marriage comes down to a lot more than simply sex, and there are some emotional or physical aspects at play.

A sexless marriage alone isn’t a definite reason to split from your spouse or partner. It’s worth putting the work in to get to the problem of what is causing the issue before throwing in the towel. Seek out professional help or do a program together, such as the Naked Marriage Spark Program, that will equip you with the tools to reignite your marriage and find your way back together in the bedroom.

There are signs that your sexless marriage has bigger problems, however, and some of them are indicators that it could be time to walk away from your sexless marriage.

Signs that you should walk away from your sexless marriage

As mentioned, a sexless marriage doesn’t always mean divorce or a breakup, but there are some concerning signs that suggest it could be the best way forward for you. These are:

Your partner is unwilling to do the work

It’s unlikely that your relationship went from spicy, frequent sex to nothing overnight, so it’s important to understand that it’s not going to get back to that just because you both want it to.

That being said, a huge red flag is having a spouse who is unwilling to make a commitment to doing the work required to get your relationship back on track. Believe it or not, having more sex actually takes commitment, and it can feel a bit like work at the beginning, and this scares some people.

Honesty and collaboration are at the core of this work, and some people would simply prefer to remain as they are not having sex rather than deal with the feelings and emotions that could be behind it all.

Reigniting your sex life isn’t something you can do on your own, and if your partner isn’t willing to meet you halfway, it may be time to move on.

There’s a lack of love as well as sex

As we’ve already mentioned, a marriage without sex isn’t necessarily one without love and connection. Some people are perfectly content without sex when they still have a great relationship with their partner.

However, when other intimate moments like affection and touch are also absent from the relationship, then it could be a lot more serious. In fact, a lack of these basic human needs can trigger much bigger marital problems than a lack of sex.

Empathy, respect, and friendship are all crucial aspects of a happy, successful marriage, and these are durable and deeper than the initial overwhelming attraction that characterizes the start of most relationships.

Chances are, you know whether you’re just in a sexless marriage or if you’re actually unhappy overall. If your partner is not providing you with the affection, intimacy, and support that you need, then not having sex is the least of your concerns.

You can’t communicate about sex

Open communication is a critical component of any healthy and successful relationship, whether that’s with family, friends, or a partner. The way we communicate dictates how we solve our problems.

If you are not able to communicate, you won’t be able to tell your partner how you feel, what’s bothering you, or how you think you can problem-solve. Some couples have problems communicating in general. However, communication about sex can be particularly touchy for some couples.

Sex is still a taboo topic in many households, and some people are too embarrassed or shy to talk about it. This means that they are unable to discuss their sexual preferences and fantasies openly, they can’t tell someone if they are enjoying something or whether something is making them feel uncomfortable, and so on.

The inability to have open communication with a partner at home is one of the most common reasons people reach out for couple’s therapy. However, if communication remains an issue at home, then you won’t be able to resolve issues, and it could be time to start looking at separating.

Sexual incompatibility

Sometimes, two people are simply not compatible in the bedroom. This can come down to a number of things: Sex drive and preference. A person who doesn’t have a high sex drive does not match well with someone who is highly sexually driven. Sometimes, these types of people can meet halfway, but other times, it’s simply not enough.

When it comes to preference, there really are some extremes out there. Two people with vastly different sexual preferences might be able to make it work with a bit of compromise. Still, it becomes a problem if one person is comfortable with what their partner is looking for sexually.

Sex is all about trust and feeling comfortable. If you or your partner are having to engage in acts that you are uncomfortable with or won’t have sex with your partner because of this, then it’s probably worth considering ending your relationship.

If it’s led to infidelity

It’s not uncommon for affairs to take place in a sexless marriage. It often motivates one or both of the partners to look elsewhere for the fulfillment they are missing in their relationship. However, this could be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, especially if the person who cheats is the one who isn’t interested in sex.

There could be many reasons why you and your spouse aren’t having sex, but when it leads to an affair, it usually means that there are more problems in the marriage than your sex life. In fact, a report released by psychologist Shirley Glass cited that 48% of men who had an affair cited emotional dissatisfaction, rather than sexual, as the main reason they were unfaithful.

Some infidelity is too painful to recover from, and it’s up to both of you to decide whether it’s something you can work on getting through together. Can you recover intimacy after infidelity?

A sexless marriage isn’t the end if you put in the work

Of course, all of the scenarios above are those that could make it worth considering ending a sexless marriage. However, this isn’t always the case. If you and your partner are willing to seek professional help, then you stand a good chance of reigniting the spark in your relationship.

Contact us at Naked Recovery to find out how we can help your marriage.

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Common Reasons Couples Stop Having Sex

Posted on July 18th, 2023
Alt: A man and woman lying next to each other with backs turned

Although we live in a much more sexually cognizant and accepting society than other generations, talking about sex can still be an awkward topic. In general, most people won’t discuss what happens in bed with others, which can be understandable. However, many won’t even discuss sex with their partners.

Sex is a very intimate topic, and that’s why many couples won’t discuss the fact that they have very infrequent sex or that they have a sexless marriage. Sex generally slows down after two people have been together for some time, but it’s an essential aspect of intimacy and connection in a relationship.

So, why do people stop having sex? There are a multitude of reasons that sex begins to fizzle out in a relationship. Let’s take a look at some of the most common reasons.

Stress, Exhaustion and Routine

The most common reason that couples stop having sex is simply because of long and tiring days at work or looking after the kids. Of course, this doesn’t mean your marriage is in huge danger. It’s just that stress, anxiety and tiredness have eclipsed desire.

The trap of the daily routine is bigger than many people think, especially if they are having sex repeatedly in the same way. People tend to follow the same script and no longer take the time to want to romance or please their partner in new ways, and sexual motivation starts to die a slow death.

Sexual Discomfort

People who experience discomfort or any level of pain during sexual intercourse are not going to want to have it. This situation is more common than you might think. Women, in particular, are prone to painful sex, and they could be too embarrassed to talk to their partners about it. Women are especially prone to this after going through menopause, when their estrogen levels become low, and their body does not produce the same levels of lubrication.

That’s not to say men don’t struggle with pain during sex, but the numbers are much lower. If painful sex is not addressed, it can have a huge impact on body image, mental health, and the relationship, which will lead to a decrease in sexual desire, too.

Trust or Safety Issues

The psychology behind sexual arousal can be complicated, and if one partner doesn’t feel safe or like they can trust the other, then there could be a genuine lack of arousal. This could come down to being a survivor of, or witness to, sexual violence, or it could be trust issues from a previous relationship.

The key to a good sex life is open communication. The ability to talk about the past any sexual anxieties, wants, or needs is vital for a healthy sexual relationship. If communication is severely breached and a partner doesn’t feel that they can talk about past traumas or concerns, this is likely to present itself as a low sex drive.

Unproductive Conflict in the Relationship

As with the point above, communication is the foundation of this common reason why people stop having sex. However, it has less to do with not communicating but rather the communication styles.

Small, everyday problems are normal in a relationship, but if they aren’t dealt with, they can very quickly develop into full-scale resentment and anger, which is commonly communicated through unproductive conflict. If you are unable to solve conflict in your relationship productively, then chances are it’s going to start eating away at it, and the sexual desire will become eroded.

Conflict resolution is one of the most essential aspects of having a healthy relationship and a healthy sex life.

Chronic Disease and Mental Health Disorders

Other causes of low libido can be chronic disease, post-surgery recovery and mental health illnesses. For example, something like diabetes causes tiredness and other symptoms that can lead to a lower sex drive.

Some surgeries can also result in side effects like erectile dysfunction or vaginal dryness. At the same time, mental health issues have a similar effect. Depression can completely diminish sex drive and affect a relationship in several simultaneous, damaging ways.

Medications

Some prescription medications can have a huge impact on your sexual wellness. Some could impact your libido and reduce your sex drive dramatically, while others can have a more physical impact, causing erectile dysfunction and other sexual issues.

Self-Confidence and Body Image

More often than not, your partner probably isn’t finding your body unattractive, but their own. Many people have self-confidence and body image issues that could reduce the frequency of sex. This is common after birth and weight gain but could also just be a concern as people age and more.

Communicating with your partner about how they are feeling about their body if you notice any negative comments is a good way to open a healthy conversation.

Quick Tips to Improve Your Sex Life

Rekindling the passion and intimacy in your relationship is not something that will happen overnight, but here’s how you can get started:

Schedule it in: As unromantic as this sounds, scheduling in sex means that you give it top priority in a busy schedule. If you simply say, “oh, we’ll have sex eventually”, the chances are very high that this won’t happen.
Tell your partner what’s happening: If you are the one who is constantly rejecting your partner or you’ve lost your sex drive, then it’s essential to communicate how you are feeling to them and what could be impacting your libido.
Listen and be compassionate: If it’s your partner who’s not feeling like being intimate, then it’s important to give them the platform to tell you what’s going on with them. Let them know you understand how they feel and are happy to work with them on their issues.
Go slow: There’s no need to jump head-first into wild positions and fantasies as you rekindle intimacy. Rather, take it slow and build up safety and trust between yourselves.
Talk openly about what you want: Sometimes, a decrease in sex drive could simply be down to not talking about what you both want and what feels good during sex. Once you’ve built up safety and trust, it’s important that you both feel comfortable enough to communicate about what you would like in the bedroom.

Get Professional Help

Sexual intimacy can be complicated, especially when it is caused by factors such as trauma. At Naked Recovery, we specialize in trauma and how to heal from traumatic experiences.

Our programs are created to address specific traumas and help people move on to a healthy and happy future.

Contact us to find out more.

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The Naked Infidelity Trauma Recovery Program

Posted on July 10th, 2023
A man puts his wedding ring in his pocket

At Naked Recovery, we specialize in helping people recover and heal from all types of trauma, from marriage challenges, divorce, bereavement, career redundancy, business bankruptcy, birth trauma, sexual trauma, and more.

Our Naked Infidelity Recovery Program has been uniquely designed to deliver a structured and supported program to confront, work through, accept, and heal from the trauma experienced after infidelity.

Today, we’ll take a closer look at what infidelity trauma is, learn a bit more about the Naked Infidelity Program, and how it works.

What is infidelity trauma?

As humans, we are created to form attachments; we are made to be in partnerships of some form or the other. We form incredibly strong bonds, and when this attachment bond is broken in a marriage or relationship, primal panic sets in for the one that has been betrayed. The pain from infidelity can be so intense that it creates a deep traumatic wound that makes emotional regulation almost impossible.

It’s not uncommon for those impacted by infidelity to experience symptoms similar to PTSD, often called PISD (Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder). Like those suffering from PTSD, betrayed partners with infidelity PTSD can experience flashbacks, nightmares, uncontrollable reactions, insomnia, and dissociation. Triggers can make these people feel the same visceral pain they felt when discovering the betrayal.

Without understanding their wounds, betrayed partners can become paralyzed by pain and overwhelmed with emotion. These debilitating feelings often cause them to lash out, become suspicious, completely isolate themself, or all three.

Without professional help, the cycle of these symptoms continues, and it will impact any hope of healing the relationship after infidelity (if that’s the wish), having successful future relationships, and regaining self-confidence and self-worth.

How the Naked Infidelity Recovery Program works 

We have created a 4-month structured coaching program to support the healing and recovery from infidelity, whether that’s physical, emotional, or even financial infidelity.

A qualified trauma coach will teach you techniques to stabilize and deactivate the debilitating trauma response due to infidelity. The program will help you to identify your trauma response triggers and equip you with the tools to manage those responses so that they don’t impact your everyday life.

The program focuses on giving you the strategies and tools to move forward from infidelity; it’s a forward-focused approach that will help you to proactively manage triggers and reactions before they arrive. Unlike traditional therapy, we won’t keep reliving and unpacking the trauma but rather teach you to support yourself to manage the overwhelm mechanism when it’s triggered.

It’s educational, builds insight, and gives you various techniques to implement moving forward, leading to improved self-worth and self-confidence.

What does the program cover?

The Naked Infidelity Trauma Recovery Program has four distinct stages that we will take you through on our four-month journey:

  1. Stabilization:

The first thing that we have to do is create a stable environment. We will focus on restoring balance in your emotions. We won’t be doing any processing at this stage – rather, we will work on empowering you to become stable and grounded. You need to have a solid foundation and supportive environment in order to transform during the program.

We’ll set goals and missions so that we have a clear starting and ending point. We’ll look at implementing a plan to alleviate trauma symptoms, such as daily routines, sleep, habits, diets, etc.

The core element of this first part is ensuring that you are safe, empowered, and feel stabilized enough to continue with the work.

  1. Compassion coaching

Shame, guilt, despair, and self-loathing are all common feelings after discovering infidelity, and the second part of the course is here to help you practice self-compassion. Self-compassion is one of the most powerful tools for trauma recovery, and it will help you build strength and resilience and start improving your self-worth.

  1. Infidelity trauma recovery

Now that you are stabilized and have relearned renewed self-compassion, it’s time to tackle the trauma and start the healing process. In this part of the program, we’ll outline what you want your life to look like post-trauma and the best ways that we can get you there.

We’ll look closely at attachment theory and betrayal trauma; the victim vs. offender story, and how to get yourself out of the Drama Triangle. We’ll identify your day-to-day triggers and your avoidance strategies, as well as your trauma hot spots. You’ll then be taught how to self-regulate and self-soothe through a number of techniques like TRE, Somatic Trauma Processing, Hakomi breathwork,  Mindfulness, and more.

All of this work and more is done with one thing in mind: neutralizing your coping mechanisms that have created negative outcomes in the past. We want to equip you with positive mechanisms that you can use to create a positive recovery journey.

  1. Release

We will keep supporting you and equipping you with different trauma techniques until you feel like you can completely deactivate your negative trauma response. Once you’ve found the unique combination of techniques that work for you, it’s time to start looking to your future.

We’ll do in-depth work on designing the future that you dream of and equip you with the communication solutions that help you to say what you need to achieve the future that you want. You’ll learn forward-focused techniques that will give you the platform you need to realize the future that you’ve always imagined.

Recover from infidelity trauma with Naked Recovery

The Naked Infidelity Trauma Recovery Program has been uniquely designed to help people heal and recover from infidelity trauma.

Contact us to find out more about the program or to see if you will be the right fit. We can’t wait to start your journey of recovery with you.

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Infidelity PTSD: Symptoms and Healing

Posted on July 3rd, 2023
An unhappy couple sitting on the couch

Infidelity is traumatic. There’s no other way to put it. It causes intensely painful emotions and memories for the person on the receiving end of the infidelity that can last long after they have found out about it.

In fact, they could experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), including intrusive thoughts, insomnia, flashbacks, nightmares, heightened anxiety, and more. This condition is sometimes referred to as PISD (post-infidelity stress disorder).

Ultimately, the severity of these symptoms will depend on the individual circumstances around the infidelity and how the person internalizes and copes with this breach of trust.

Today, we will look at PISD, its symptoms and how you can heal from the trauma created by infidelity.

What is PISD?

So, what exactly is Post Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD)? While it’s not a confirmed medical diagnosis, PISD can be defined as the reactions similar to those of PTSD that a person experiences post-discovery of an affair.

When diagnosing PTSD, individuals must have one of the required criteria, such as being exposed to death, the threat of death, threatened serious injury or actual/threatened sexual trauma. Infidelity might not threaten one’s physical life, but it certainly is a threat and sustained attack on the emotional well-being of the person being cheated on. This undoubtedly threatens their sense of security and safety.

The shock and hurt of the infidelity can lead to symptoms that are incredibly similar to those experienced by PTSD sufferers. These symptoms are damaging to the self, others, and any reconciliation of the relationship, if wanted.

Symptoms of Infidelity PTSD

There are several symptoms that are indicative of a person suffering from infidelity PTSD. These are the most common signs.

Hyperarousal

When infidelity occurs in a relationship, one partner’s sense of safety and security is threatened, and their home environment seems insecure. Reactions to this threat can vary, but hyperarousal is one of the most common trauma responses.

This means that the betrayed partner remains super alert and super sensitive to their surroundings. They are constantly in fight or flight mode, ready to react to any perceived threat that comes their way. Hyperarousal can show up in physical and emotional ways, such as being startled by small things, changes in eating patterns, trouble concentrating, overreacting, outbursts of anger, irritability, etc.

Individuals that were once completely trusting and secure become incredibly suspicious – watching out for the smallest signs of anything out of the ordinary, they can become nagging and paranoid. This is also a form of self-protection. These are completely normal reactions to highly stressful and traumatic experiences, but if they are left too long without addressing them, they will undoubtedly cause negative consequences.

Intrusion

Flashbacks, nightmares, and obsessions are all signs of intrusion in someone suffering from PISD. Often, these come in the form of images (real or imagined) that are associated with the infidelity. Normal things that you might not have considered before the affair suddenly become triggers, such as a particular song, the smell of perfume, or driving somewhere familiar and all of a sudden intrusive thoughts, memories, and flashbacks flood the system. This can cause the individual to feel overwhelmed, sweaty, angry, emotional, and even a little obsessive. Sometimes, they lead to the betrayed partner going over the smallest details, developing fixations and trying to reconstruct events to figure out ‘the truth’. It can feel impossible to get away from intrusive thoughts, feelings, and memories.

Constriction

Constriction is exactly what it sounds like. It’s when someone feels suffocated to the extent that they fold in on themselves, not physically, obviously. Signs of constriction include inhibiting feelings, thoughts, and activities associated with the betrayal. This often results in the person feeling numb, disconnected, and detached from others, even close loved ones. They often stop showing interest in activities that they once enjoyed. They avoid and withdraw to avoid confronting the excessive emotions and intrusive symptoms that are common after betrayal.

This may be a temporary state that they use as a sense of relief and a form of self-preservation. It’s a protection against dealing with something that is too emotionally painful.

Healing From Infidelity PTSD

Of course, there is no one way to heal from infidelity PTSD and it largely depends on individuals, but there are a few things you can do if you feel like you are suffering from PISD.

  • Normalize your experience: One of the most essential things to keep in mind is that many of your feelings and thoughts are a normal response to trauma. Hypervigilance, obsessive thinking, anger, sadness, and more are all part of the process that many people go through and you’re likely to keep feeling these throughout your healing journey.

  • Get a journal: It might sound cliché, but writing things down in a journal is hugely helpful in these situations. They enable you to record everything you are thinking and feeling; it’s uncensored and helps you go back over and gain new insight and clarification.

  • Schedule times to worry: This might sound strange, but by setting aside an allotted time to use to worry, obsess and revisit hurtful feelings, you are taking the power away from them intruding on the rest of your day. This time should not be longer than an hour and you’ll find that it will decrease over time as you heal.

  • Identify and prepare for triggers: Your flashbacks are normally triggered by particular things. It’s helpful to identify these triggers and try to preplan for them. If you are prepared for a trigger, you’re less likely to have a trauma response to it.

  • Changing the channel: This is one of those easier-said-than-done scenarios but try taking greater control over your mind. When you have intrusive thoughts/images, try imagining your mind as a tv that can be controlled by a remote. Simply press the button to change to something more desirable.

  • Learn self-soothing techniques: Instead of fighting against flashbacks and intrusive feelings, equip yourself with tools that allow you to ride the wave, experience it and come out the other side. This could be deep breathing techniques, exercise, progressive muscle relaxation, meditation, etc.
  • Take it one day at a time: Healing doesn’t happen overnight, and it certainly isn’t a linear journey. Don’t get discouraged by the amount of time that it is taking to heal. Take each day and moment as it comes, strive for small steps, and don’t fret over setbacks.
  • Get the right support: The worst thing you can do for yourself at this stage is to try and go it alone. Don’t isolate and make sure you reach out to your friends and family. However, it’s equally as important that you seek out professional support to ensure that you are on the right path to healing.

The Infidelity Recovery Program

At Naked Recovery, we specialize in helping people recover from all kinds of trauma. The Infidelity Recovery Programhas been specifically created to help people heal from infidelity, whether that’s healing alongside their partner or once they have moved on from that relationship. The program was designed to support you and equip you with the tools to fully heal from the betrayal in a matter of months.

Contact us to find out more about the program.

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